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Your Authentic Self



Hi everybody, I’m Mike Staver. This is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from viewers just like you.

Dear Mike, I am very happy with who I am. There are those close to me, family mostly, that are not so happy with who I am. I’m trying to work through the struggle of avoiding intentionally annoying them with who I am and still showing up with integrity. I know you’re big on authenticity. Any thoughts would help.


Well, this is a little bit of a trap! It’s a tough question because it says “I’m very happy with who I am” – well, I don’t know who you are! Are you a serial killer? I mean I have no clue who you are.

So first of all, sometimes people go “Well this is just the way I am!” and they show up with this obnoxious cocky attitude and expect everybody to adapt. Look, you gotta learn to play well with others. I’ve got a very good friend who does not drink. Total, complete teetotaller. His parents don’t drink either. Guys a grown man, and when he goes to his parents’ house he expects everybody that comes to his parents’ house not to drink. And he found out that somebody was drinking at his parents’ house and it made him mad. Well, I’m not saying he was wrong to get mad or right to get mad. But I am saying the person that showed up at his parents’ house with alcohol when his parents said they don’t want alcohol in the house was in the wrong. They’ll say “Well I drink alcohol I should be able to drink alcohol whenever I want” well yes you should, but not in their house!

So, I want you to distinguish who you are from what you do. There are some times we do things where it’s just going to be a hot poker in the side. So, evaluate who you are, manage who you are so you can be adaptable without changing who you are. So if somebody asks me in my family what’s my opinion… I can just lay it out or I can go “Well, you know there’s a couple ways to look at it and here’s the way that I look at it.” I’m not going to not be authentic.

I don’t know who you are and how you operate, so I can’t tell you and I don’t want to give you permission to be any old way you want. But I can tell you it’s more important that you play well with others and still maintain the core of who you are, even if your behavior has to be modified.

I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike. I hope you’re doing well, and send me a question using the form below!

Until next time, take care.

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