Communication & Conflict


Hi, everybody. I’m Mike Staver. This is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from people just like you. Here’s this week’s question.

“How can couples communicate effectively and resolve their conflicts in a relationship?”

Holy cow.

You’ve been sending me questions that I can write books about.

Practice, practice, practice, practice. Don’t make the other person wrong.

Here’s what you need to do. Number one, practice. Number two, do not make the other person wrong in a conflict. Acknowledge their perception is real to them. And number three, be curious and not curious like “how in the world could you think that?” Not that, but you want to ask them questions.

Remember, who was it? Stephen Covey? Or someone said Seek to understand before you seek to be understood. Most couples do not work very well at communicating. They want to get their story and they want to get their side of the story. Be quiet, listen, receive and understand. And then once you’ve done that, ask some questions and you want the killer way to do it? The best way to do it? “What can I do right now to resolve this conflict?” Maybe say, well, what if they don’t do that? Well, then that’s something you got to talk about because that’s a critical piece of the puzzle.

I hope that’s helpful.

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