Hi everybody, I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from people just like you. Here’s this week’s question:
Dear Mike, recently I was having a conversation with my mom. She told me a story about a relative that’s a pain in the butt. In fact, this relative calls her at all hours of the night and asks for my mom to do things and my mom shouldn’t do them. But my mom does them anyway. So I said to my mom: “Mom, ignore her! She’s going to suck the life out of you!” My mom responded “Yes, but she’s family, and you always have to take care of family.”
Am I being a difficult daughter, or what would you suggest?
Oh man. Mom, if you watch this (my mom), we’ve had the same conversation haven’t we? I know, I tell you all the time – you know who I’m talking about. In fact, you’re probably talking on the phone to him right now.
I feel you. Let me say this. I think family’s great, if you have a great family. I don’t think family is so great if you don’t have a great family! Some families aren’t great. Some of you don’t live in great families. That’s the first thing.
The second thing is just because they’re family doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean they care about you. They probably do, but it doesn’t mean they do necessarily.
So here’s the feedback I want you to give your mom.
It’s ok to help until helping hurts. There’s something called being an empath. Empath is ‘I help people, but I don’t know when to say no. I don’t know when to stop.’ So here’s the work. You learn, you share with your mom a book called ‘The Empath Survival Guide’, get that for her, and then encourage your mom to help only within a certain box. A certain timeframe. Like I shared with my mom, turn your phone off at 10 at night when you go to bed and don’t turn it on until the morning. She’s never going to do it. But at least, if it comes on, look at who it is and if it’s that pain in the butt person don’t answer it until morning. You can’t do anything, usually, anyway.
I hope that’s helpful. I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike. Until next time, take care.
