Making Allowances for Family


Hi, everybody. I’m Mike Staver. This is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from people just like you. Here’s this week’s question.

“Recently I’ve been facing considerable pressure in several areas of my life- a lot of people have. I’m a pretty stable, non-dramatic person, but lately I feel like I’m really negatively affected by all that’s going on around me. What suggestion do you have for managing the pressure?”

I don’t know where that started but I hear it all the time. You’re absolutely right. Well, they’re your family, you should just put up with all kinds of craziness.

That’s not true. I’m not saying you should write them off. I’m not saying you should write them off like the crazy person standing on the corner yelling at you, but I am saying that just because they’re blood doesn’t mean they’re sane. That’s a t-shirt. Just because they’re blood doesn’t mean they’re sane. We’re gonna get some t-shirts made. You say that your family is not healthy and occasionally toxic. It’s those moments of occasional toxicity that you want to avoid.

I don’t know a lot of families that have a checkmark in every healthy box, so I wouldn’t put that pressure on your family. I would say that I know a lot of folks who have a lot of serious issues in their family and they just keep going back and going back thinking somehow it’s going to be better, they’re going to fix it. No, I do not believe that just because they’re family you have to tolerate a whole lot more. I also don’t believe you just blow people off just because they have a bad day or they’ve got some unhealthy habits or that kind of thing. Hope that’s helpful.

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