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Hi everybody, this is Mike Staver and this is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from people just like you. Very interesting question this week!

Is being selfish really a bad thing?

We had a recent question – is a bad habit really a bad habit if you enjoy it – this is good though! This is not going to be a very popular answer. No, being selfish is not a bad thing. Well, being selfish is probably not a good thing, being self-centered is not necessarily a bad thing. Here’s what I mean by that.

Scott Peck, an author we enjoy, says that love is extending yourself for the emotional, spiritual, and psychological growth of another. Extending yourself. But how do I extend myself to you, as the friend, colleague, significant other, partner, parent, or child? How do I extend myself to you if I don’t have a sense of my own spiritual fulfillment, a sense of connection, a sense of abundance from the core of me? I cannot.

And the reason I cannot is because I’m trying to come from an empty place. This selflessness thing is an impossible thing to live.

Now selfish, to my mind, means everything is about me, I make everything about me, and I want more. Selfishness has to do with greed. But coming from a place of saying “I need to be fulfilled” or “I need to be full such that I can extend myself to you” which is the ultimate act of selflessness (to extend myself for your emotional, spiritual, or psychological growth) is a powerful thing to do.

So I would say selfish is probably not a good thing. I would say being self-centered in terms of your motivation for abundance and sharing is the right thing to do.

I hope that’s helpful! I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike.

Take care.

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