Hi, I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from people like you.
Dear Mike, I have a couple of friends that seem to be having some kind of drama-filled problems most of the time. I find that my advice giving is often ignored. As hard as I try and as much as they ask, I give them advice and they just simply ignore it. What seems to me to be the obvious way to solve their problem is met with excuses and behaviors that keep them stuck in the same old drama that they go through time and time again. How do I get them to listen and do something?
Well, if you can get them to listen and do something just because you give advice, call me on the phone or send me an email and tell me, because I get paid to give people advice and to help people… Just like Mondays with Mike! In fact, yesterday somebody said “I love your Mondays with Mike, you had one recently that gave me great insight!” I said “What did you do with it?” They said “I haven’t done anything yet…” Well, there ya go.
First of all, with all due respect, you are too invested in your friends’ drama. If they ask you for advice, and you give it to them you gotta look at it like giving a person a glass of water. They’re going to get it, they may drink it, they may not. You did your part, you gave them the glass of water, whether their thirst gets quenched or not is not your responsibility.
Care ABOUT them, don’t care FOR them.
If they ask you a direct question, give them advice.
Surrender your expectation that they’re going to do what you suggest.
It’s multiple-choice, and you’re just one of the choices they’re considering while they live the life they think they have to live.
Finally, be very careful about how much drama you engage in, because pretty soon you can feel it start to suck your emotional energy. There’s a difference in being supportive and being involved. I can be very supportive and not be immersed or driven by another person’s drama-filled existence.
I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike. See you next week.