Episode Summary
In this episode of Mondays with Mike, Mike Staver addresses a common coaching challenge: how to help an employee grow when they shut down every time they are challenged. Mike explains that the coaching approach itself often plays a central role, coaches must perform honest self-reflection to consider whether their style of challenging is supportive or off-putting. Drawing from his own experiences with effective coaches, he illustrates that a blend of support and direction, posing questions that invite the client to imagine or experiment, yields far better engagement than being harsh or confrontational.
Mike shares practical strategies for challenging employees constructively, such as using invitational language (“I wonder if it would make sense…” or “Imagine a world where…”) and creating a psychologically safe space. He emphasizes that if these methods still result in shutdown, it’s important to compassionately name the pattern and collaborate with the employee on overcoming it.
Key Takeaways
- Coaches must evaluate their own approach to challenging employees; harsh or overly direct styles can cause employees to shut down.
- Constructive challenging uses invitation and curiosity, engaging employees’ imagination rather than confrontation.
- Phrasing such as “I wonder if it would make sense…” or “Imagine a world where…” helps create openness and thoughtful discussion.
- If resistance persists, it’s helpful to gently point out the pattern and invite reflection: “I notice you tend to shut down or change the subject when I ask certain questions…”
- The goal is to create a safe, supportive environment where both the coach and employee feel aligned.
Notable Quotes
- “First thing you do is a fearless self inventory. How do you challenge him?”
- “It’s better to challenge a person by using phrases like this. I wonder if it would make sense. Imagine a world where what do you think would happen if we tried this experiment?”
- “I notice when I ask certain questions of you, you tend to shut down or change the subject. I wonder what happens when I ask those questions, because I don’t want you to do that.”
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