Resentment

 

Hi, everybody. I’m Mike Staver. This is Mondays with Mike, a weekly video series where I answer questions from people just like you. Here’s this week’s question.

“I am struggling to not be resentful of a co-worker. He has not done anything to warrant my resentment, but I can’t seem to shake it.”

Well, here’s the deal, if you’re resentful of a coworker, the reason you’re resentful of a coworker is because of a belief that you have about them and that belief that you have about them is causing you to resent them. Here’s an inventory you can do. Number one, are you jealous of anything about them? Do they get attention that you wish you got? Do they get paid in a way that you wish you got? Do they get job assignments that you would prefer to have?

Do they get special treatment or privileges that you would prefer to have? That’s important. Do you feel like that they’re encroaching on your territory in some way? Do you feel like something that they’re doing is somehow prohibiting you from doing the things necessary in order for you to be successful in your work? I think you ask yourself a series of those questions first.

The second thing that you want to do if you’re feeling resentful, is you’ll want to ask yourself, how do you let go of that by doing one of two things, forgiving, so if they have offended you, if they have encroached on your turf, if they have done something that is less than appropriate, then you just simply ask the question, right? Is there something that I need to forgive?

Then the second thing is you do the inventory I just suggested but then at the end you say, how can I express more kindness? How can I do something for them? How can I help them in some way so that they can be more successful? That’s the best way I know to handle resentment, forgiveness, kindness to them, and then actively doing something that will disengage from that resentment.

I will tell you that I am working right now with a person from afar. They’re in an organization that I’m a part of and I have a lot of resentment toward him and my resentment toward him is because I believe he’s sabotaging and I believe he’s doing things to intentionally thwart my leadership and thwart the organization that I lead. The only thing I can do in that case that will help me not be resentful is to have a peace treaty. Is to have a meeting, and I don’t want to.

My little immature pouting self doesn’t want to, but I’m going to call him and I’m going to schedule a meeting or send him an email and schedule a meeting and he and I are just going to have a conversation because I could be misunderstanding, I could be making mountains out of molehills. I want to make sure I work that out. Remember, a clean, personal, fearless inventory is always the key to having a pure motivation and relationship with another person.

Hope that’s helpful.

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