Make sure you subscribe to receive exclusive content, updates, tips, and advice from Mike Staver.

<p>Thanks! Keep an eye on your inbox - our emails go out each Monday!</p>

Skip to content

When You Don’t Want to Talk with Your Partner

Hi everybody, I’m Mike Staver and this is Mondays with Mike. This is a weekly video show where I answer questions from people just like you. Here’s this week’s question:

Dear Mike, my life partner and I are very, very different. I suppose that’s what makes us a great couple and gives us the challenges we have. I travel a lot for my work, he does not. So when I get home he wants to chat and I don’t. Any tips?

Yeah, I have a tip! Tell him you don’t want to talk! Nah, I’m just kidding. Here’s what I do:

I travel a lot and when I get home I don’t really want to talk because I talk for a living. So here’s what I do. We create what’s called a re-entry zone, or a quiet zone. It’s a specific period of time for re-entry. It’s generally an hour, or an hour and a half. It doesn’t always take an hour and a half for me to get back in. I was just on a three-week trip, I talked all day every day, when I get home tonight I’ll probably need about 30 or 40 minutes just to debrief, take a shower, and relax. So just negotiate it. It’s not NO talking forever, otherwise, you’re just a jerk. It’s no talking for 30 minutes or 40 minutes or an hour so that you can re-enter.

I’ll tell you what’s likely to happen. What’s likely to happen is after about 15 or 20 minutes you’ll kind of get in the groove and you’ll want to chat a little bit. And if you don’t, if it’s chronic, then you’ll probably want to go talk to a professional about it. But usually negotiating some time works really well. But don’t walk in and go “Oh my gosh just give me a minute!” No. Set it up in advance so it’s a ritual that the two of you go through.

I’m Mike Staver, this is Mondays with Mike.

Do you have a burning question for Mike to answer on another episode of Mondays with Mike? Submit the form below!

Have a question for a future Mondays with Mike episode?

Submit the form below, and don't forget to sign up to receive emails from Mike so that you don't miss the episode with the answer to your question!

Scroll To Top