Episode Summary
In this week’s episode, Mike Staver tackles a viewer question about how to coach a person who shuts down every time they are challenged. Mike advises that the first step is to take a “fearless self-inventory” and evaluate your own challenging style. He explains that being too harsh or direct can be off-putting and cause someone to shut down, even for people who are direct by nature. The key is to use a blend of support and a directive approach, much like his doctor at the Mayo Clinic. Mike then offers specific phrases and techniques that allow the person to imagine or create their own solutions, which is much more effective than a direct confrontation. He concludes by suggesting that if the behavior persists, you can gently and directly point it out to the other person in a non-confrontational way.
Key Takeaways
- Before you challenge someone, conduct a self-inventory to evaluate your own challenging style to ensure it’s not the reason for their shutdown.
- Use phrases that encourage imagination and creation, such as “I wonder if it would make sense” or “Imagine a world where…”.
- If a person continues to shut down, gently point out the behavior and ask them what happens when you ask those questions.
Notable Quotes
- “first thing you do is a fearless self inventory. How do you challenge him?”
- “it’s better to challenge a person by using phrases like this. I wonder if it would make sense. Imagine a world where what do you think would happen if we tried this experiment?”
- “I notice when I ask certain questions of you, you tend to shut down or change the subject. I wonder what happens when I ask those questions, because I don’t want you to do that.”
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